I Actually Kindof Liked Dick Cheney

Hunting the hallowed fields of heaven, smirking at the shitheads wallowing on Earth below. No one in the way of your shot now. RIP Dick.

As we have noted well in this space during previous columns, you can generally predict that someone is okay by how much hatred and vitriol it stews up in the people whom you yourself hate or don’t really like.

Dick Cheney is one such person and to that end I give him full pass marks and forgive him all his foibles. He pissed off all the right people and I’m happy with that. I just wish Trump would get off his case. But I guess he has his reasons and you can’t have it all go your way.

His enemies have been crowing all day and celebrating his descent into hell. Well if he is going there then I hope he parties hard and well into the night with alot of other fun people. Perhaps they’ll be listening to this: The Best Of Dance ‘93, CD 1 (everybody dance, dodododo clap your hands clap your hands…). Coincidentally this happens on the day that New York, now New Yemen, elects Mamdami mayor. There’s a dark twisted poetry in that.

I’ve called myself a few different political labels, and been accused of being others: Libertarian, Civic Nationalist, Centrist, Liberal, Francoist, Conservative, Fascist. think I might have actually just been a neo-con all along. I liked the neocons. I still do. Alot went wrong with the war on terror, there were alot of fuckups. But I like them all as people. GWB, Condi, Colin Powell. Fuck, probably even John Bolton I can speak in favour of. I remember the whizbang key phrases: “we’re goin’ into IRAK!” “Mission Accomplished!” “Now watch this drive!” "known unknowns…” Decision Points! (and i intend to try and read Decision Points someday, as a rebellious FU to all of neocon-hating Gen X).

I don’t care what the history books say. I don’t care what the intel says. I don’t care what the end results were. I don’t care about any of that.

You really have to know the low-level shitgrade turd-smelling excrement-cuddlers of humanity who yelled, whined, protested, carried signs and basically never shut up during the whole era from 9/11 to pretty much now to understand this position. Even further back if we count the S11 protests that happened in the year 2000 (coincidentally on Sept 11, 2000, exactly one year before the big day), those protests happened in Melbourne. It was on the news, they blocked the CBD/Southbank and trashed the place. And these smug up-themselves Socialists were bragging about it afterwards, I had to listen to the turds and knobheads gloat about it.. You have to know how nauseatingly annoying Billie Joe Armstrong was at the height of his fame. I tolerated them all for a good few years, trying to hold up my own end of the bargain in some flawed coalition of the willing, thinking we were all in the some fight and ultimately on the same side, when really we weren’t. The day 9/11 happened, the Western Left sided with the terrorists because they hated us and it took the rest of us too long to realise that.

Well now we know.

I am proud to say I cowrote a song about Dick Cheney with my high-school band the JCM. It was really me and my best mate at the time. We won’t go into what the acronym stands for, its not important. But our lead song was called Cheney Goes A Huntin’ (Anyone For Tennis) and could probably best be described as a proto stoner-doom track minus proper drum backing (because we got so used to playing it before we could ever secure a proper drummer that it kinda had more evolved into a strummy doom-waltz by that point). You could call it both our lead single and musical performance high-water mark. (That and when I aced the Piano class concert back when I was 7 or so. Playing who knows what, Bumblebee Waltz or something. Before my Shine-like nervous breakdown/refusal to devote my genius to classical piano ever again). We the JCM called ourselves a garage band but I don’t really know what we were. We named the aforementioned track in honour of Dick Cheney’s famous hunting mishap where he shot his own mate by mistake. It was 2004 and the Iraq War was into its first year, after the initial “mission accomplished” six week opening phase. Okay, so overshooting the mark of optimism there in hindsight, and then all this crap about WMDs, OPEC, where’s Bin Laden, Where’s Saddam, the insurgency, the surge, the on and on… blahblah. All the stupid sideshow countries: Israel, Palestine, Pakistan, Pakestine, Iran, Iraq, Turkey (now apparently called TurKIyehhh), Saudi Arabia, the other Arabia, Afghanistan, Khazakstan… and when Hurricane Katrina hit in 2006 the Bush Presidency was pretty much condemned for all eternity. The Democrats swept the midterms, Obama would launch into the White House in 2008 (between those two events I would actually visit North America and stay there for close to a year), then the GFC, and we trail off into another phase. It was all just a shitshow and Borat came from Khazakstan. Osama Bin Laden got killed by marines inahis hidden cave stashed with gay porn apparently.

But fundamentally, in a way as fundamental as an Islamic fundamentalist, I really just fucking hate the Western Left, now more than ever. As the years rolled on I went from perplexion (…but you are against the terrorists right?) to bafflement and muddled attempts at conciliation and compromise, to just in the end fury and angry at what a pack of miserable traitorous shits they all were. Especially when they started demanding me, perenially cusp-of-destitution Mike, to “check my priviliege” even as they were overhwelmingly in more materially privileged positions than I.

So yeah, I still like Dick Cheney. Because fuck them. And I like him despite knowing he and Trump hated each other. Because we all have a greater foe.

I experienced this entire era while living, apaprt from a couple of overseas sojourns, entirelyy in Melbourne, arguably the most Antifa of all cities. And it’s a crime-plagued shithole now.

RIP Dick.

PS: If you made it to the end and couldn’t get enough of CD#1, here’s CD#2

Hell, as an encore, i’ll even go Ace Of Base on yer… (Lucky Love, Amadin Mix)

It wasn’t my intention to play post-Christian 90s eurodance in honour of a fundamentally Christian true-believer White House vice-pres, but that happens to have been what I had in the background while writing this. An Ironic coincidence and possibly appropriate. Down with loser Atheists and long live true believers. God is up there, whatever dogma you apply, and he’s watching you (and speaking to you in club music now).

I also had an 80s freestyle kick the other day. Probably still some Halloween bugs in me, they never quite leave. Connie - Experience. Maybe a good way to end this ramble. Experience counts for something.